Random Saturday - Diaries

A while ago, I saw an Instagram post with a few pictures in which several people had shared bits of their teenage diaries. It made me cringe, not because of what they wrote, but because I had come across my own diaries the other day when I looked for something else.

I got my first diary when I was 12. During vacation, I spent a few days with my closest school friend and we were out and about a lot. One day we walked to the next little town to visit another school friend and on the way we discovered the window of a little shop.
I wonder if those kind of shops still exist in some villages and small towns. It's practically one room where you can get about anything, from pencils to magazines, glasses to figurines, lottery tickets to diaries.
Yes, there were diaries in the window and we spontaneously decided to give each other one because that's what best friends did instead of buying their own.

Do they look familiar to you? They were from Shanghai und I was surprised how many people seem to be looking for them.
There were two sizes, this is the "Shanghai diary 112" (the other one was 110), they came in all kinds of colors and different motifs. They also had notebooks and even recipe books like that (it said on the spine what it was).
They had lines, the left pages had an orange edge with a sun and flowers, the right ones had trees and mountains in pink. At least, that was the case for all of mine, maybe there were some with other pictures.

From the age of 12 to 24 I had three of those diaries and filled about two and a half of them. I wasn't a very regular writer and there were huge gaps at times.
It was so surprising to find them because in my memory I had disposed of them a long time ago. That was not the only time my memory had failed, it seemed.

I started with the one I had abandoned because it was the shortest one. It was from the time when I was training as a librarian and then began working which was also how I met my ex. So yes, it was all very much pink glasses and love songs in the air back then 😉, but there were no surprising memories, so the shredder did its work.

Then I turned to the first one because I figured there would be a few things in there I didn't remember and I was right about that.
Early teenagehood was a relatively carefree time. I wrote mostly about friends, what we did, what we ate, what we bought, where we went. The rest was filled up with talking about school and that once again I hadn't practiced enough for my violin lesson.

The second diary, however, is full swing puberty and it was downright embarrassing to read about my being awkward (that's a euphemism) and pining for one or the other boy (or young man as I grew older). Reading it made me cringe so badly 😂
Some of those memories had been shoved into a small cabinet in a cobwebbed little corner of my mind and that's where I decided to put them back into.
Just imagine I'll get famous after all - stop laughing - and someone pulls out that diary after my death, I would roll over in my grave! Okay, I wouldn't want anyone to read it, famous or not.
So yeah, into the shredder it went.

There were some redeeming features, though. I stood up against racism (for a friend), I was not self-centered (or infatuated) enough to not contemplate the state of the world (and of course worry about it), and I was there for friends. 
It was a relief to read I wasn't a complete idiot, just a teenager.

After abandoning my diary at 24, I never picked one up again. I have always been terrible with even keeping up notebooks and calendars, so it's more of a surprise I even wrote that much.
The only thing I regret in that regard is never trying to write a dream journal. My dreams are wild, but hardly ever embarrassing, I think they would have been a much more fun read - most of them, anyway. I'm not going to start that now, though.

Do you (still) have a diary or your diaries from your past?